We love chair design at The Home Journal, and we get to look A LOT of them. There are great chairs, good chairs, okay chairs, passable chairs…and then there is that magic category: ‘when chairs go bad’.
This category of chair can play havoc with your home. These chairs are forever lurking in a corner; causing trouble poking their ugly hides into your asethetically considered space, nagging and annoying you every time you cast a glance in their direction.
A chair can be bad for a number of reasons: you inherited it, the man of the house made a comfort decision, or, the more troubling cause, that you thought it was nice at the time. But don’t fret, The Home Journal has rounded up the worst offenders and provided fitting sentences for their heinous crimes.
Here are our top ten offenders.
10. Bahia Chair
Verdict: This one is a shocker. Fringed in multi coloured tassles, this chair could only be at home if your Dad is a professional clown and he never changes out of his work clothes.
Sentence: For crimes against tassels – 10 years in a student dorm.
9. Bouloum Lounge Chair
Verdict: We aren’t doubting that its not ergonomically sound, but this chair looks like is always about to topple backwards. Rather than mimicking the human form, it looks more like a desktop knicknack than a chair for the lounge.
Sentence: For Aggravated Ergonomic Design – 15 years in a chiropractic studio.
8. Cloud Chair
Verdict: Top marks for the quality of the finish and it looks great as a sculpture, but will anyone ever sit in it?
Sentence: For crimes agains WorkSafe and strained backs – 15-20 years in the lobby of a mining company.
7. The Ghost Collection
Verdict: Oh God this is hideous! Aside from how uncomfortable it looks; it has a Casper the Friendly Ghost motif etched into the perspex. Need we say any more?
Sentence: For copyright infringement and overly-literal design implementation – 20 years in the giant aquarium in Seaworld.
6. Octopus Chair
Verdict: This is perhaps the ugliest meeting of cephalopod and chair that has ever graced a theme park in lower Florida…or perhaps the world.
Sentence: For crimes against Walt Disney‘s imagination – Life in a Fish and Chip Shop in Cairns.
Verdict: Perhaps this should read ‘Oh F…Off are they serious?!?’ This is a chair and a bookcase all rolled into one.
Sentence: For crimes against every author since Doestevky – 50 years in a Russian Gulag camp.
4. Orchid Chair
Verdict: This is the best reason for why beachcombing and woodworking should never combine; leave it for the beach fires on cool evenings, it has no place in woodworking.
Sentence: For crimes again timber: Summary execution by bonfire on Guy Fawkes night.
3. Philippe Krzyzek Chair
Verdict: This one kills us because it really just looks like Philippe went dumpster diving for offcuts at the local plastic factory and just decided to try it out as a chair. It does not work. It should be placed immediately back in the dumpster. It will be far better used as recycled plastic bottles.
Sentence: For inappropriate use of materials – Life…as 100 recycled plastic botles.
2. Pimp Souck Chair
Verdict: We all tried and words just cannot describe this…this…abomination.
Sentence: For crimes against reality TV shows – Life in Kyle Sandlilands’ Dressing Room.
1. Upside Down Chair
Verdict: So here is it is…the #1 offender. The reason we have ranked this so highly is that trees are beautiful. And they should be revered and when used: used beautifully. This chair makes a tree into a Zombie-esque monstrosity. It does everything it should not do and it would not even be good to sit on. I have seen hillbillies creating stump chairs with chainsaws that have a better sense of proportion and style.
Sentence: Summary Execution; no witnesses, no last minute reprieves, no calls from the Governor – Call the council, get the wood shredder down, chop it up and turn it into chipboard, it has to be better than this